Communicating With Your Teenager and Fostering Self-Respect

Preteens and adolescents often feel insecure about themselves and their social acceptability. Consequently, they are extremely vulnerable to pressure from their peers to fit in. Students who develop high self-esteem and healthy values are less likely to give in to peer pressure to drink, smoke or use other drugs. In order to build your children’s self-esteem, it is important to develop a relationship with them that is based on mutual respect.

Make time for your son or daughter. Find an activity you enjoy doing together and pursue it.

Listen, really listen. Learn to draw your child out about things that are important to him or her and listen with your full attention. Don’t do all the talking or give long lectures.

Encourage critical thinking. Eventually your child will make a decision about whether to smoke, drink, or use other drugs. Wanting to be accepted by peers is a major reason teens try these substances. Help them practice making decisions on their own. Let them know it is OK to act independently from others and to think for themselves. Part of growing up is learning to think and make decisions independently. Help your children learn to process information critically, think for themselves, make independent decisions, and accept the consequences

of those decisions.

Be generous with praise. Be quick to notice and praise your child’s efforts, not only his or her accomplishments. When young people are praised regularly, they are more likely to gain self-confidence, trust their judgment, and accept constructive criticism.

Tolerate differences. Encourage your adolescents to talk freely about their lives, school, and problems. Talk about topics where all people do not have the same opinion.

Give teenagers responsibility for their own problems. Let your children experience the consequences of their own behavior, even if these consequences might be embarrassing or uncomfortable.

Remove the stigma of failure from your home. Young people need to understand that the only failure is in not trying. Mistakes are not failures. Mistakes simply provide us with new information that can help us to succeed.  We all need the freedom to be imperfect.

Encourage outside interests. Children who are involved in after school activities and sports develop friendships and interests that will help to keep them away from alcohol and other drugs. Preteens and teens who learn to have fun, as well as cope with stress in healthy ways, will be less likely to turn to artificial substances to relax.